


the whole world smiles with you

by dizzy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 08:14:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5701342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan's smiling. Wonder why?</p>
            </blockquote>





	the whole world smiles with you

"What are you smiling at?" Dan's mate Freddie asks him. "Text from your girl again?" 

Dan's got headphones half in half out, one earbud dangling uselessly. His eyes are fixed on the phone in front of him. 

It's not a text from his girlfriend. It's better, maybe, and isn't that such an awful thing to say? But he and his girlfriend, they've been fizzling for a while. There's curiosity itching under Dan's skin to see what else is out there and if he knows her well (and he does know her well) she's probably feeling the same. 

But it's hard to break up with someone you still love, and they do still love each other. It's just not the same kind of love that it used to be and one day soon one of them (probably her, because Dan's a coward) will figure out a way to say it. It'll hurt, for a while, but not as much as it probably should. 

So no - it isn't a text he's smiling at. It's the new AmazingPhil video and yeah, it's supposed to make him smile, that's what Phil is good at. But for Dan right now it's more than that. 

Because Dan's got a secret. His parents don't know. His girlfriend doesn't know. His mates definitely don't know. 

Dan is _friends_ with AmazingPhil. Phil actually likes him, and not just because Dan compliments him and says his videos are great. Phil really likes him - wants to talk to Dan all the time, sends him private DMs and even asked for his MSN name. 

Phil thinks it's cute when Dan DM's him links to funny things on the internet and always writes back immediately unless he's asleep and he even asked Dan's advice a couple of times while he was deciding what to make this latest video, the one Dan is watching right now.

"No," he says, putting his phone down. "Not her."

"If I didn't know you were practically married, I'd ask if you were running around on her," Freddie says. 

Dan's laugh is hollow and he tries not to think about the way that Phil makes his stomach flutter the same way his girlfriend used to. 

* 

"What are you smiling at?" Dan's mum asks. 

He's sprawled across the sofa, laptop open to a Skype window. They're not video chatting since his mum wanted him to spend some quality time with the family before he packs up and moves out. 

(Left to his own devices, Dan probably would have whined and complained and stayed in his room skyping Phil until the rest of his family was long since asleep, but Phil told him he should try and make his mum happy and reminded Dan that in another week they'll be in the same city together and that's why Dan is smiling.)

*

"What are you smiling at?" The woman on the train asks. 

She doesn't know Dan. Dan doesn't know her. She's got a headband on that doesn't match her shirt and she kind of smells. Her expression is belligerent. She's pissed off that he's smiling. 

He doesn't care. He just grins at her stupidly. "I just moved to London with my boyfriend." 

He's never said it quite like that before. He'll probably never say it like that again, but it's nice to hear out loud. 

She tells him, "Fuck right off, queer." and goes back to picking at a scab on her palm. 

Dan doesn't even care. 

*

"What are you smiling at?" Phil asks, voice sad and soft and a little confused. 

Dan understands the confusion. This is the worst fight they've had in a long time, the worst month they've had ever together. Everything is prickly and laced with tension that makes them both sit up too straight when the other's in the room. 

It's not even any one thing. It's just a bunch of small things all stacked up so that when one thread snapped they all toppled like dominos. Every day's left harder than the one before and they ignored it as long as they could until today when suddenly they couldn't ignore anything at all. 

But now the yelling is done and quieted and Dan's worst fear hasn't happened at all. He always thought if he just lost it, if they just lost it on each other like this, that it'd be the end of it. He's never quite been able to think of himself as someone worthy of another person sticking around past his worst for. And yeah, Phil's seen a lot over the past couple years they've been together. He's seen all kinds of ugly sides of Dan but he's never seen Dan just properly have a go at him. 

Until now. And he's still sitting there through it, still willing to fight and have his own go at Dan right back if it gets all this into the air. Because the thing is - this is helping. This will help. None of the shots were cheap. All of these things, they were real and they were hurting them, and not saying anything was doing the most damage of all. It still hurts but it will get better, they will get better, and that makes Dan _smile_.

"I'm smiling," Dan says, taking a breath, and then another, before he goes on. The oxygen feels grounding even if his eyes still sting from almost-tears. "Because we're going to get past this, and it's going to be fine." 

Phil looks at him with wide, desperate eyes. "Are we?" 

"Yeah," Dan says, and it's only then that he realizes how he always waits for Phil to reassure him, and how maybe Phil needs Dan to be the one to step up and do it sometimes. He pulls Phil in and wraps him up tight like he hasn't done in, fuck, how long? A week, at least. "We're not giving up, because we can do anything together."

Phil sags forward into the embrace, face tucking into Dan's neck and fingers clenching in the back of Dan's shirt. "Yeah," he says, and Dan can tell from the light rasp in his voice that Phil is smiling, too. "Okay."

*

"What are you smiling at?" The shop owner asks Dan. 

Dan doesn't even realize the question is directed at him, both because he doesn't speak Japanese and because he's too busy staring at Phil down the aisle cooing over plush kittens with Mimei to even realize that anyone is talking to him. 

The man repeats the question, jarring Dan out of his reverie. "Oh, sorry!" Dan says. "I don't, um- I don't speak-" 

The man just laughs and waves Dan along. He's already figured out the answer anyway, and he gets all the confirmation that he needs when Mimei walks away and Dan creeps up behind Phil, sidling up to him from behind and sliding his hands into Phil's front pockets. 

Phil jumps and lets out a surprised noise, hand flying up to cover his heart. "You scared me!" He fumbles to elbow Dan in retaliation, but there's no force behind it. "Why are you looking at me like that?" 

Dan drops a kiss on Phil's cheek, then pulls back. "I'm just happy that we're here. This year is going to be fucking insane, and I think this is the perfect way to reward ourselves."

Phil laughs. "Rewards usually happen after the work," he reminds Dan. 

"Oh, damn." Dan feigns shock and dismay, then immediately brightens. "Well, guess we'll just have to come back after, then." 

"You're an idiot," Phil says, and this time he's smiling at Dan.

*

"What are you smiling at?" The question appears in the livestream chat, amidst a hundred other inconsequential ones. 

Dan looks from the tab that his chat is in to the one just over, the video still rendering. The thumbnail is himself and Phil, shoulder to shoulder just like any number of videos they've made in the past. 

This one isn't like any of those other videos, though. This one is more and less at the same time. It's a casual letting go if a lifestyle of denial that's been almost their defining feature for the last years of their life. It's terrifying and exhilarating. 

But they're sure. The time is right. They've talked it to death, with everyone that matters and between themselves most of all. This is what's holding them back. Four years can change a lot. Back when they made the decision to keep what mattered private, they were making the right decision for who they were then. 

But this is the right decision for who they are now. 

"Why am I smiling?" Dan repeats the question back. "Well, you'll find out soon."


End file.
